Holy Sex in an X-rated Culture # 3

REVIEW: Resetting the Boundaries

To understand the ‘rightness’ of our sexuality, to reclaim a genuine morality in our understanding of sex, we must go to the Creator, the One who designed us male and female. From His wisdom we can determine how He planned for us to express our sexuality.

Sexual expression is for marriage alone.

Why did God place the expression of our sexuality exclusively within marriage?

First is the tremendous power invested in sex, to create life and to create intense bonds with another person.

Second, God placed sex within covenant marriage to prevent destruction of our body and our spirit. The spiritual devastation brought on by sexual sin and/or promiscuity is unrecognized by most, but real enough.

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Restoring to Wholeness those who are Broken by Sexual Sin

We are a society broken by sexual sins! Here’s some evidence:

∙ Young teens are becoming sexually active at ages 11 and 12. Despite universal sex education and millions of dollars spent on contraceptives, teen girls are getting pregnant at alarming rates.

∙ College campuses are overrun with promiscuity with casual ‘hook-ups’ being a norm. We used to call them ‘one night stands. The result is an epidemic of convenience abortions.

∙ Sexually Transmitted Diseases -STD’s are being treated at ever increasing rates. The US Center for Disease Control reports that about 19 million new cases of STD’s are treated each year in the US, half of those being in teens between the ages of 15-19. Only colds and flu cause more visits to physicians! The direct medical cost of treating STD’s is $20 billion annually and rising!

∙ Many of our main-stream films feature explicit sexual scenes. Generally the sex portrayed is between two unmarried people and often is adulterous.

The repeated showing of this kind of sex sets us to believe:

a. If we aren’t having unbelievably exciting sex we are really missing out on life, and

b. We can indulge in sex outside of marriage without consequences.

• And then there is the availability of cyber-sex, the fast growing and extremely lucrative industry that connects the age-old temptation of lust with the illusion of anonymity. Cyber-sex is ruining lives by the millions. Teenage girls are seduced in chat rooms. Men bankrupt their families paying exorbitant rates for online sexual transactions.

What is our response to all this sexual brokenness?

– Should we pound the pulpits of our churches and rail at sinners?

– Should we exaggerate the stories we tell in an attempt to scare our kids into celibacy?

– Should we pretend there is no problem?

– Should we heap up guilt and shame on those who sin?

– Should we point at others while ignoring our own brokenness?

That, sadly, describes the Church’s response to sexual sins too many times. There is a better way.

That way is the way of Truth - to know what God says, and to commit ourselves to live in His way! I repeat what I have said previously, “Right thinking precedes right living.” Scripture is VERY clear about how people are to act with regard to sexuality.

The question that shapes this message is - how do Believers stay whole or recover wholeness in their sexuality?

1. We must KNOW what the Bible says, to us and to our world about sexuality.

In the previous two messages I’ve spoken about the positives of our sexuality. Now let’s take a look at some of those NT terms that describe broken, sinful sexuality. What kinds of sexual behaviors are placed off-limits for Believers? We are commanded to avoid:

[a] Sexual immorality (I Corinthians 6:18; I Thess. 4:3) Fornication.

“Porneia” Describes a wide variety of sexual acts before or outside of marriage

♦ The broadest understanding any act intended to arouse another person sexually

♦ Involves seeking out nakedness for the sake of becoming sexually aroused

[b] Debauchery, sensuality (Gal. 5:19, Eph 4:19, 1 Peter 4:3, 2 Peter 2:2, 18)

“aselgeia” {as-elg'-i-a} excess of sensuality, outrageous acts, shamelessness

♦ describes behavior that is designed to awaken sexual response in others as well as engaging in behavior that is without restraint, that ignores the Bible’s call to self-control

[c] Exploitation (Eph. 4:19)

“pleonexia” {pleh-on-ex-ee'-ah} greedy desire to have more, covetousness, avarice

♦ using others sexually without respect for their personal worth and/or dignity, such as prostitution or supporting sex shows and pornography

[d] Lust (2 Peter 2.18)

“epithumia” {ep-ee-thoo-mee'-ah} desire, craving, longing, desire for what is forbidden, lust

♦ the inner desire to take another sexually if the opportunity presented itself, to actively entertain sexual fantasies

[e] Homosexual practice (1 Cor. 6.9)

“arsenokoites” { ar-sen-ok-oy’-tace} to have sexual relationships with a person of the same sex

Many people, including Christians, hear what the Bible has to say and immediately challenge God’s wisdom with a WHY.

“Why should I do this?

Why should I conform my life to these standards?”

Good arguments can be made for God’s boundaries, but the most basic one is also the simplest: “Because God, our Father and Creator, said so and He knows best.” Christian, do you have the depth of faith to accept what the Word says and to obey? It is not wrong to question religious traditions, nor is it wrong to seek out clarification for your understanding. However, there is a time to ACCEPT what we find in the Scripture and to choose to obey it. In our obedience we gain strength to deal with temptation and we create credibility for our Christian witness before the culture.

— How can we call our kids or our co-workers to sexual wholeness if we are unwilling to turn over our own secret sins to Christ?

--- How can we expect to have full assurance of faith if we pick and choose among God’s standard of purity depending on our own personal preferences and/or prejudice?

Healing of sexual brokenness begins with acceptance of Scripture truth by faith.

2. We must seek the LIFE of Christ, believing the Good News of Spirit transformation,

and not be trapped by religious rule-making.

Without the Holy Spirit in you, you have virtually no hope of living a pure life or of reclaiming sexual purity. Sexual temptation is strong and the opportunities for sin are many. Fear of your Pastor’s disapproval or even of God’s judgment are not leashes strong enough to hold back the desires that will rise in you.

Colossians 2:20 to 3:10 says:20 Since you died with Christ to the basic principles of this world, why, as though you still belonged to it, do you submit to its rules: 21 “Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!”? 22 These are all destined to perish with use, because they are based on human commands and teachings. 23 Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence.

1 Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. 2 Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. 3 For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. 4 When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.

5 Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. 6 Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. 7 You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. 8 But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. 9 Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices 10 and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.

Signing pledges of purity, joining accountability groups, putting on thumbscrews .... may keep you from transgressing God’s boundaries for a short time, but ultimately the cleverness of the fallen sinful nature will find a way around the rules, a loophole that will allow you to do what you desire. Why? Because all these devices are designed around fear of others, or finding social acceptance within some group, or gaining God’s approval through doing good works. Those things are not what genuine Christianity is about.

We are called to ‘put on Christ,’ that is, to receive His life as our life, by faith. By His gracious gift, the power of the curse of sin is broken. We must be converted, not merely reformed, placing ourselves under the rule of Jesus Christ, our Risen Lord. And, we must practice the disciplines that lead us to daily renewal of the Spirit’s life.

And how does the Bible teach us to live such a life?

A. Our hearts and minds are set, intentionally placed on Christ and the hope of eternal life in Him.

B. We willingly put to death, that is, make no excuse for, and provide no comfort to, the temptations that

pursue us and clamor for attention.

C. We put on Christ, consciously, day by day, like we put on our clothing!

The Truth of Scripture is liberating. The Power of the Christ-life, through the Spirit, is amazing. Yet, we have some personal responsibility to ‘work out our salvation.’ The Word urges us: Phil. 2:12-15

12 Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, 13 for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.

14 Do everything without complaining or arguing, 15 so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe

The context of this command is the example of Jesus Christ, who chose obedience to God’s plan. He had to ‘work out’ the plan in His life, going through significant pain and making hard choices, but it led Him to gaining great glory.

In the pursuit of sexual wholeness and purity, there are some hard choices to be made. Those choices will be supported by right attitudes.

3. We must adopt attitudes that allow for the recovery of sexual wholeness to take place.

First among these is OPENNESS.

Sin, especially sexual sin, seeks to hide.

Sometimes it hides in denial of the truth. Denial is frequently a kind of excuse making.

∙ “If my wife were more responsive ... it is her fault that I do what I do in secret.”

∙ “It really isn’t a sin problem. It’s just a diversion, a little harmless pleasure...”

∙ “It’s normal, lot’s of people do this...”

Sometimes sin hides itself behind religious perfectionism. Curiously, some people feel that they can ‘make up to God’ for their disobedience by rigid attendance at services, or scrupulous tithing, hours of prayer, excessive service, etc. Their sin remains untouched, hidden under layers of religious works.

Sometimes sin is hidden behind lies – lies to self and others.

Scripture is direct on this. The road to forgiveness and freedom runs right through confession.

1 John 1:9 tells us: If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

As Christians it hard to be open because there are so few communities that meet this kind of openness with loving acceptance and willingness to work toward wholeness. The guilt and shame felt by so many frequently causes churches to label, judge, and exclude the sinner who comes clean, especially when the sin is sexual in nature. This is a great challenge for us here at Washington Assembly. If someone confesses an adulterous affair, addiction to pornography, or homosexual practice – it is an opportunity for us to become the partners of Christ in bringing healing to that one with our love and offers of supportive accountability.

Remember that we are community of Believers who are committed to --

Authenticity, no pretense;

Acceptance, love first and above all, and

Acceleration, encouraging one another to be the person God wants us to be.

Second, recovery of sexual wholeness requires that we allow our basic values to be reshaped by the Spirit.

Many, many people want relief from guilt, without work towards change. They want their sin and peace with God at the same time. The Word points out the folly of the person who loves his sin too much to work at change.Psalm 36:1-4 There is no fear of God before his eyes. 2 For in his own eyes he flatters himself

too much to detect or hate his sin. 3 The words of his mouth are wicked and deceitful; he has ceased to be wise and to do good. 4 Even on his bed he plots evil; he commits himself to a sinful course and does not reject what is wrong.

In a book called Everyman’s Battle, Fred Stoeker tells of his journey towards sexual wholeness. He writes, “ I rejected some sexual sin when I became a Christian, but I did not entirely destroy my yielding to the sexual culture’s influence.” He goes on to make the point that sexual purity comes only when the person struggling comes to hate his sin, rather than simply regretting his guilty feelings or shame. We will hate sin in direct proportion to our love for God.

Third, recovery of sexual wholeness demands that we move into restorative relationships.

Curiously, most sexual sin finds greatest strength in isolation. The act that is designed by God to create the strongest bonds to another person and the deepest intimacy, when removed from the right context, creates increasing separation from people that really matter.

∙ The man who calls the escort service while he’s on the road comes home to find himself emotionally distanced from his wife.

∙ The person who stares at the computer screen, drinking in the electronic images of models, finds it harder to relate to a woman in the real world.

∙ The woman who yields to seduction at work comes home to find herself feeling separated from her teenage children by her guilt.

If we want to find sexual wholeness it will mean learning to connect deeply and meaningfully with other people in our lives. Building great sexual intimacy with our spouse demands the work of creating a relationship that supports and enhances the physical relationship. Staying pure is enhanced by having strong, deep relationships with other people that fill the longing for meaningful connections that God has wired into us.

In the mid- 1990's, I attended a meeting led by Gordon MacDonald, a well known Christian author, pastor, and national leader. He had disgraced himself with an adulterous affair at the height of his ministry. He told us that one of the contributing factors was his great loneliness and isolation. He was treated with deference everywhere he went, sought out for advice, and seldom challenged. He told us that day that if he had cultivated deep friendships with several other men and devoted himself to the pursuit of intimacy with his wife, his vulnerability to sexual temptation would have been greatly diminished.

Are you struggling with sexual temptation?

∙ Focus on building a relationship with your spouse that goes beyond polite conversation and a Friday night movie. Talk about who you are, what you dream, and what you fear. Give your access to your heart and mind, not just your body.

∙ If you have kids, spend lots of time with them instead spending time on yourself doing your own thing. Turn off the TV which offers a false intimacy that requires so little emotional involvement from you.

∙ Seek out a few good friends that will bring out the best in you. Challenge one another to excellence, honesty, and holiness.

In doing these things, you help meet the relational needs that God wired into you.

If you know the story of King David’s adulterous, and later murderous, behavior, you will remember that this man fell into sexual sin when he isolated himself. He was alone in his palace, savoring his successes. In that time, he found himself weak and vulnerable to temptation. 2 Samuel 11 gives us this insight...

In the spring, at the time when kings go off to war, David sent Joab out with the king’s men and the whole Israelite army. . . .But David remained in Jerusalem. ²One evening David got up from his bed and walked around on the roof of the palace. From the roof he saw a woman bathing. The woman was very beautiful, ³and David sent someone to find out about her.

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As I close, once again, I want to point you towards hope. I know that some sitting in this room today are struggling mightily with sexual sin. You’ve heard this series of messages and a glimmer of hope has caught your attention.

Now, will you move forward towards wholeness?

It won’t be an easy task or a quick process. Recovering a godly sexuality, especially for those who are deeply broken by their own sinfulness or the sins of others against them, can be very difficult. But it can happen.

Let me review the steps in the process....

1. We must KNOW what the Bible says, to us and to our world about sexuality.

2. We must seek the LIFE of Christ, believing the Good News of Spirit transformation, and not be trapped by religious rule-making.

3. We must adopt attitudes that allow for healing to take place.

Openness,

A true willingness to be changed and to leave sin behind,

and work at restorative relationships that pull us out of isolation and loneliness.

The transforming power of the Gospel of Christ is real and available. Accept Him today.

Bring trusted Believers into your life who will love you to wholeness.

2 Corinthians 5:17-20 {The Message}

. . .we see is that anyone united with Jesus Christ gets a fresh start, is created new. The old life is gone; a new life burgeons! Look at it! All this comes from the God who settled the relationship between us and him, and then called us to settle our relationships with each other. God put the world square with himself through Jesus Christ, giving the world a fresh start by offering forgiveness of sins.

Amen.

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Resources for help with sexual issues

dealing with sexual temptation written for men

an explicit Christian guide to sexual fulfillment in marriage

help for those who are sexually addicted, more academic and directed to professional counselors

general information about the Christian and sexual sin

Sex and spirituality, a perspective on human sexuality from a Biblical Christian world view

Jerry Scott 2007