Holy Sex in an X-rated Culture # 2

In a sexually insane culture, Believers cannot live holy and pleasing to God IF their understanding of their sexually is twisted by perversion or shame. Victory over sexual sin is IMPOSSIBLE without a foundation of Truth about sexuality.

That is why I am bringing this series of messages.

Last Sunday, my theme was that Sex is God’s idea and is a gift to be received with thanksgiving.

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Building Boundaries

In Deuteronomy 19:14 we read this directive for the new nation of Israel:

“Do not move your neighbor’s boundary stone set up by your predecessors in the inheritance you receive in the land the LORD your God is giving you to possess.”

Proverbs 23:10       “Do not move an ancient boundary stone or encroach on the fields of the fatherless, for their Defender is strong; he will take up their case against you.”

In ancient agricultural societies, family land was a treasure. It was the inheritance of the family and the means of providing for the family. Property boundaries were marked off by piles of stones or by a very large boulder. Moving the marker stones was a way of stealing property, of committing fraud on your neighbor. Strong prohibitions were attached to this crime including the promise that God, the One who saw stones moved even under the cover of darkness, would act in the defense of the weaker person so defrauded.

In our time, we have removed God’s boundary markers for sexuality.

Few people in America today seem to know that the ancient boundaries He put in place are there for good reasons. But, what I understand is that Ignoring or moving these boundaries to accommodate sensual desires is an invitation to spiritual poverty, slavery to lust, pain, suffering, disease, and social dysfunction.

In my message today, I want to take you to the Scripture and help you to reset the boundary markers of sexual expression in your mind.

Dr. John White, in a book titled, Eros Defiled, writes,

“There are three questions people ask about sexual behavior. Is it legal? Is it normal? Is it sinful?

The first question indicates whether we are allowed to do it without getting in trouble with the police. The legality of sexual practices changes from location to location. For example, in some places prostitution is lawful while in others it is against the law....

The second question asks whether a given form of sexual behavior is ‘sick, perverted, or an evidence of emotional disturbance...’ There may be behaviors that are common and thus regarded as ‘normal’ that are outside of the realm of the moral.

The third question asks about morality. It may legal to do something and also normal (as measured by ordinary human behaviors).

             But the true question we, as Believers, must concern ourselves with is this: Is this a right decision?”

That poses for us a formidable challenge. How do we evaluate sexual choices and establish ‘right’ morality?

∙          Certainly the civil law gives some guidance but in the end fails to guide us adequately. As I noted previously, the law allows for prostitution in some places. Is prostitution therefore moral? The law does not sanction pornographic material so long as it does not feature children and is not distributed to minors. Is pornography therefore right for the Believer?

∙          The psychologist can study sexual behaviors and report to us what is ‘normal’ but just because     

            many people choose to live in a certain way, does not indicate it is how God intended that we live.

∙          Our physician may tell us about the multiple sexually transmitted diseases that are circulating in epidemic proportions and about ways to reduce our risk of exposure. He may be able to teach us about techniques to enhance sexual pleasure. Medicine can guide us to better sexual knowledge, can help us avoid pregnancy, and even enhance our sexual peformance, but medical sciene cannot tell us what is ‘right’ sex.

To understand the ‘rightness’ of our sexuality, to reclaim a genuine morality in our understanding of sex, we must go to the Creator, the One who designed us male and female. From His wisdom we can determine how He planned for us to express our sexuality.

Another author observes....

“Sex as God planned it leads to much of the best in life. Bonding of personalities, delightful children, and satisfying pleasure come from pure sex.... Immoral sex ignites emotional explosions, burns personalities, leaves ugly scars, and sometimes even ends in death.”

So what does God tell us?.

In Genesis 1:27 we read,     “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.”

Genesis 2:18-25 amplifies the Creation account and provides insight for our understanding.

“18 The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him. . . . for Adam no suitable helper was found. 21 So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.

23 The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” 24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. 25 The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.

Immediately upon noting the distinction of male and female, there is the declaration of marital union and covenanted relationship. This is a powerful statement of boundaries at the very beginning of the Scriptural story.

I especially want you take note of v. 25 to underscore a point I made in the first message of this series. 25 The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame. Sexuality preceded the Fall into sin! Adam and Eve were very aware of their physical differences. The text implies he found immediate delight in her form, but without shame.

Only after the entrance of sin in creation, do we find feelings of shame attached to sexuality and the need to cover up!

God’s boundaries around our sexuality are based in helping us to discover rich and full lives, to create a relationship with our spouse that is without guilt, without fear. It is a mistake, I wholehearted believe, to teach about the boundaries of sexuality using scare tactics and fear!

To be sure there are huge risks that a promiscuous person takes. AIDS, unplanned pregnancy, and spiritual problems are all possibilities raised when a person ignores the boundaries about sex that God has set in place. But anyone will tell you that in the moments of temptation, all the cautions in the world are tossed aside, forgotten in the pursuit of pleasure!

That is why we need to focus on the positive reasons to stay within the boundaries of sexual expression that God created.

Back to our main point, what are the boundaries of pure sex?

Today I want to focus on the primary boundary - MARRIAGE.

Let me say it clearly and simply. The Bible says that

                                    Sex belongs exclusively within the context of marriage.

There is no waffling on this principle throughout the Bible.

∙          The Mosaic law forbade sexual expression outside of marriage. In the Decalogue, the Ten Commandments that are the most basic statement of ethics, there is the provision, “You shall not commit adultery.” Don’t take the spouse of another for the purpose of sexual intimacy.

∙          The Levitical code was very specific about keeping sex within marriage with an extensive code of prohibited sexual practices - things such as incest, sex with animals, and homosexual practices.

∙          Jesus says very little about sexuality and what he did say confirmed His agreement with the OT standards of sexual expression. He specifically states the permanence of the marriage covenant in Matthew 19:6 saying: “So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”

∙          The Letters to the Churches which settled Christian teaching likewise honor marriage.

            Hebrews13:4 tells Believers: Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for

            God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

In 1 Corinthians, Paul addresses the Church in Corinth, an extremely sensual city, with strong declarations about sexual propriety. To be sure, one cannot read chapters 6 and 7 without seeing that Paul sees single celibacy as the ideal state for those who wanted to give themselves without reservation to God’s service, but he also is clear that if sexual desire is strong, the context for satisfaction of that desire is singular: MARRIAGE.

TEXT - 1 Corinthians 7:1-9

Tragically, the Christian church has chosen to ignore and add to the Bible’s teaching, in the process creating a lot of unnecessary shame and guilt about human sexuality.

Richard Foster writes:

Two major departures from the biblical perspectives began to develop soon after the apostolic age. The first is the view that physical pleasure was considered bad.

The second is that sexual intercourse should be reserved for procreation.

            Soon sexual pleasure began to be looked upon as the enemy of the spiritual life.

Perhaps no one did more to bring those teachings into the heart of the Church than Augustine.... In the City of God, he refers to the ‘shame which attends all sexual intercourse.’ Even within marriage he saw sex, except for the sake of begetting children, as sin. - Money, Sex, and Power

How tragic that the Bible’s celebration of our sexuality should be lost to the traditions of men, but that is the undeniable case.

It is up to us to go back to the Scripture and read it carefully, with prayer that the Holy Spirit give us clear minds, so that the shame and guilt of religion will be lost

Believer, we must reclaim a Biblical sense of our sexuality. That - by the way - does not mean this message only applies to married people who are having sexual relations. Everyone - whether sexually active or not - is a sexual person. It is the most basic way we are defined - male and female. From that basic description, we relate to our world with an awareness of our sexuality. We become people who are comfortable about our own sexuality, aware enough to deal with temptation, and wise enough to be healers of those who are broken by sexual sin.

Why did God build this boundary around our sexual expression?

First -  within marriage, sex is a blessing, a means

                        of achieving relational intimacy, unmatched in any other human relationship.

Some of you are questioning that statement!

 “Pastor,” you’re thinking, “sex began to disappear from my life the day I got married. I thought it would be great to have a spouse who would be fulfilled by our intimacy. Instead, I find myself wishing, longing, and alone.”

Why, if this what God created as the norm for married individuals is there so many sexual problems?

∙          For some it is because of early training, often based in a mistaken understanding of Christianity, that sex is dirty and/or unspiritual. Thus, any creative enjoyment of each other has been squelched. The spiritual aspect of sex and the joyful, playfulness of intimacy is lost to a flawed sense of sex as sin. Rather than being a delight, it is seen as a duty, or worse, as something to be set aside as soon as a family is established!

∙          If promiscuity was part of life prior to conversion, then marital intimacy may be effected by incomplete understanding of forgiveness and freedom from the past. There is release from guilt from the past. Christ fully forgives our sins.

If you mis-used that woman who became your wife by having sex prior to marriage, you should her for forgiveness for dishonoring her and you need to confess that sin to God.

                        If you seduced your husband prior to your marriage, you should ask his forgiveness for misusing

                        the power of your sexuality and you should confess that sin to God, as well.

∙          Lack of sexual intimacy in marriage can also be traced, in many couples, to the failure to stay deeply in love. As the fire of physical attraction abated, they failed to build a deep friendship. As a result, sex is diminished for little attracts them to one another. This is a terrible misunderstanding of the meaning of marriage.

Second - God placed sex in the context of a covenant relationship because of the

                        tremendous power invested in the act of marriage.

a. Procreation – Only in sex do we have the ability to become co- creators with God.

From sexual intimacy is born, not just another human body, but an eternal being capable of loving, knowing God, and creativity. It is a true wonder. Such a precious result needs a committed, stable home with both a mother and a father.

b. Relational – Sex creates powerful ties to another human being. Positively, sexual intimacy strengthens the covenant relationship of a husband and wife helping them to weather the rough days and moments that inevitably come. Negatively, sex can create a bond to a lover that will cause an individual to throw away friends, family, career, even faith.

Third, God placed sex within covenant marriage to prevent destruction of our body and our spirit.

I have yet to know a person deeply involved in promiscuity who is not ultimately terribly damaged by the way they live.

Physical - Sexually transmitted diseases are at epidemic levels here in America.

Spiritual - The spiritual devastation brought on by sexual sin and/or promiscuity is unrecognized by most, but real enough.

∙          Ask any counselor about the life-long problems that result from molestation and/or sexual abuse.

∙          As I’ve mentioned, the sexual experimentation that was so ‘normal’ during college years, often brings on relational problems in marriage a decade later.

∙          Many of you know the difficulty of worshiping God joyously and with an open heart when you have ignored God’s boundaries. You know the ache of a guilty conscience, the pain of feeling ashamed and dirty.

Here’s a sobering thought that I want to leave with you about wholeness in your sexuality.

Take a look at a text.

READ 1 Corinthians 6: 18-20 PB 1777

In The Message - that passage reads in part - “In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for “becoming one” with another. Or didn’t you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit?”

Sex, when practiced outside of the boundary of marriage, is also powerful - destructively powerful. It breaks our intimacy with God, creates psychological problems, and diminishes our dignity and worth. God said so!

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As I close today, I want to recognize the reality of living in a sinful world. We do not live in isolation. We are interconnected and therefore, to some extent, every one of us lives with a broken sexuality, because of the choices made by others.

            Ill- Hugh Hefner’s choices to exploit women made a half-century ago, effect me today because he helped

                        tear down the wall of modesty that helps to protect sexuality. I do not have to read Playboy                         magazine or worse to be effected by the culture of pornography that surrounds me.

We live in a culture that is X-rated, that feeds us a steady diet of sexual stimulation, we perhaps know even more temptation than our parents’ generation did.

However, there is hope. It is found in the redemptive work of Jesus Christ, who came to save sinners. When we are bathed in the grace of God and the loving community of Believers, can we keep our balance. Religious platitudes and scare tactics will not make us whole in this part of our lives.

Only the ministry of the Spirit of God can heal us. Only the revelation of God’s wisdom can make us think rightly once again. Only daily submission to the Lordship of Christ, even in the secret closets of our mind, can allow us to joyfully celebrate our sexuality as a gift of God.