Father’s Day- 2006

Lead them in the Way of the Master!

I am convinced that being a Dad is one of the toughest callings in the world! I say that as a veteran. Being a real Dad to Jay, Sean, Chrissie, and Maribel is far and away harder than being your Pastor. Here’s why? There are other Pastors in the world. Each of you, regardless of how much you love or respect me, can and do receive spiritual care in other places - be it from books, radio programs, Sunday School teachers, etc. But my kids have just me. I am the one and only Dad they’ll ever have!

I’ve felt the responsibility of that calling since my first son was laid in my arms on February 10, 1977 in Hackettstown Hospital. I was there when he was pushed into the world and a little while later when they handed him to me - I cried like a baby, and I prayed one of the most desperate, heartfelt prayers of my entire life. It went something like this–

“Lord, this is an eternal soul, a person who needs not only my physical protection and provision, but who will learn about You and how to live a life with meaning primarily from me. Oh, God help me to be a good Dad.”

 Dad, here’s the truth ... the spiritual care of your children is the most important responsibility in your life, next to being a loving servant leader to your wife!

The Bible gives a twin commission to Christian husbands and fathers -

∙          "Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—

                        a love marked by giving, not getting." (Ephesians 5:25, The Message)

∙          "Fathers, don’t exasperate your children by coming down hard on them.

                        Take them by the hand and lead them in the way of the Master." (Ephesians 6:4, The Message)

For a few minutes this morning, I’m going to talk about leading our children in the way of the Master. I don’t mean to imply that I’ve got it all figured out! Far from it, but I’ve raised four and, thanks be to God, they love and respect me today, and they know the ways of God, as they would tell you themselves.

PRAY -

1. Dad - Be a MODEL of your message!

Dad, your sons will adopt your values, your lifestyle, your attitudes almost without conscious thought. Your children will believe you because of your actions far more than simply because of your words. The Scripture says, Teach your children to choose the right path, and when they are older, they will remain upon it.- NLT Proverbs 22:6 The old adage is true - a lesson is better caught than taught! Show’em how to live with Christ, as Lord. Adopt Paul’s method of discipleship. He said, “Follow me, as I follow Christ!”

Maybe, at this very moment, you are thinking – “Pastor Jerry, I am a flawed person. How can tell them to follow me.”

Here’s the good news about that. You can teach your kids how to deal with failure by letting them see your struggles! Of course there is a time and a place for all things, but by and large, being transparent about those things that you’re still working on, will provide great lessons for your kids.

A couple of years ago, when Jay, my oldest son, was a new father, he was being overly harsh with his little boy. It pained me to see him make such demands of that little boy and so as we were walking together, I said, “Jay, if you’re too harsh with Gavin, you’re going to have a lot of pain in your life.” I then explained how I had been so very harsh with him when he was 2 and 3 years of age. I grew full of emotion as I did a 25 year memory rewind and recalled one time when I spanked him unnecessarily and then not allowed him to cry! I apologized to my grown son, and in that one conversation taught him about admitting mistakes and about being a better Dad.

You don’t have to be a monk or a pastor to transmit spiritual lessons to your kids, either. Just do the basics. Show up in church regularly, even when it cuts into your time on the golf course, or in the woods to hunt. It’s kind of hard to convince your kids that God is important if you’re missing in action half the Sundays of the year! Kids think concretely. If they see Dad go to church as a priority choice, if they hear Dad pray, if they watch Dad care for his elderly parents, if see him treat Mom with love and respect – and they conclude, that’s the good stuff, ‘cause Dad does it!

2. Dad - Provide leadership.

If there is one thing that the average American family lacks, it is leadership. I’m not encouraging tyranny, nor am I advocating the old “Father knows best” attitude that implies that women and children are inferior.

But I do believe in leadership! God appointed Dad as the head of his family. In Ephesians we read, "The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing." (Ephesians 5:23, The Message)

Let me illustrate the principle from my own family. My family is my team and God has called me to be their coach. I am not afraid to set goals for my family, and to do my best to help them reach those goals. Early in the game, I quickly realized what every coach has to know - the players on my team weren’t at all alike!

            My oldest son is a hands-on learner, not an academic. He likes doing things, not having deep discussions. His success wasn’t going to be at grad. school, not because he lacked intelligence but he just didn’t care for books and ideas, all that much. Time has proven that. Jay can build a beautiful bookcase and has, with his wife, remodeled three houses in their marriages, making good money each time.

            My second son is a charmer, quite bright, with a need to create - in words and music. He learned early on that his crooked grin and charm were assets that would allow him to slack off on his work and still get along! I had to supply motivation for Sean and even with some coaching it took him 6 years to get his degree, because along the way he felt the need to live on the beach in Costa Rica, spend some time with missionaries in the Solomon Islands, etc.

            Chris, my daughter, is my clone - and has been ready to go round for round with me since she was 6! Coaching her required an entirely different strategy most based in just standing my ground while she challenged and challenged each and every thing I said... and now she’s in her second year of grad school, and probably on her way to her Ph.D. Her determination is such that in our most recent conversation I learned that she’s training for the Boston Marathon!

            Maribel, our adopted daughter, is the dreamy one, the rescuer who can’t pass by any stray in need of love and affirmation. If I had tried to parent her with the same firm hand I used with her sister, I’d have crushed Maribel’s gentle spirit quickly!

Dad, you can’t lead from your recliner, hiding behind your remote control for the TV!

            Leadership requires being engaged.

            Leadership requires wisdom which God promises to those who ask Him.

            Leadership demands much by way of example.

            Leadership will drive you to prayer.

            Leadership will bring about conflict!

Your kids will say that they want you to back off, to give them space, to let them live without your interference, but they’re not telling you the whole truth! Sure that kind of freedom is fun, at first, but then it feels a lot like being abandoned. The world they face is a big, scary one that offers them all kinds of choices. They need a leader who steps the course, shows them what and why, and who isn’t afraid of their anger.

Most of all, Dad, they need to know that you love them like Christ loves you. He loved us enough to die for us. Your kids will let you lead IF they know you love ‘em enough to die for them!

3. Dad, be a man of God!

Let me emphasize that first word – “MAN!” In general, the Christian Church is populated by women to men in a ratio of roughly 2 to 1. I think I know part of the reason. Somehow, we have made it seem that being a Christian means becoming soft, feminized, safe, and tame! Not too many men set out to be those things. No, of course, I’m not advocating pounding our chests, beating ourselves bloody, or making manly sounds just to prove we are really male.

However, I do believe that God has called us into a role as a warrior, a provider, a defender of our families. John Eldrege writes: “God made the masculine heart, set it within man, and offers him an invitation.... Men and women are made in the image of God, as men or as women....” Eldrege goes on to observe that men generally want three things - A battle to fight, an adventure to live, and a beauty to rescue!

Christ calls us to those very things!

He’s called us to wage war against sin and evil as ‘good soldiers!’

He’s set before an adventure of faith, in which we discover our spiritual gifts and begin to passionately make a difference in our world!

And, He’s put within every man here, the desire to wrest beauty from the destruction of this fallen universe.

By the power and Presence of the Holy Spirit, you and I can live manly lives - really manly, in God’s own image!

The World Needs Men …

1. who cannot be bought;
2. whose word is their bond;
3. who put character above wealth;
4. who possess opinions and a will;
5. who are larger than their vocations;
6. who do not hesitate to take chances;
7. who will not lose their individuality in a crowd;
8. who will be as honest in small things as in great things;
9. who will make no compromise with wrong;
10. whose ambitions are not just their own selfish desires;
11. who will not agree just because everybody else does it";
12. who are true to their friends through good and evil.
13. who are not afraid to stand for the truth when it is unpopular;
14. who can say "no" with emphasis, although all the rest of the world says "yes."

            Adapted from Charles Swindoll, Living Above the Level of Mediocrity, pp. 107

Dad - here’s my challenge to you –

            ∙          Model your message.

            ∙          Be your family’s leader, as you follow your Leader, Jesus Christ.

            ∙          Be a man in God’s image - a warrior, a person who lives with purposeful passion, and

                                    a creator of beauty.

_________________________

Let me close this Father’s Day message with this thought —

For some here this morning, this is a joyful day to celebrate a loving relationship.

For others, this is a day of sadness, recalling failure or abuse.

            No matter what kind of earthly father you were or

            what kind of father you had -

you can put a different spin on the day by celebrating the Fatherhood of One who never fails!

The Bible says, "As parents feel for their children, God feels for those who fear him. He knows us inside and out, keeps in mind that we’re made of mud." (Psalm 103:13-14, The Message) That's rich, isn't it? He knows that you and I are just clay pots, rather fragile, easily broken. But here's another thought from the Word - "We carry this precious Message (of Christ's love and eternal life) around in the unadorned clay pots of our ordinary lives. That’s to prevent anyone from confusing God’s incomparable power with us." (2 Corinthians 4:6-7, The Message) God is investing Himself in people who are just mud, made from the same elements as the dirt! His Presence in us makes us noble, transforms us from ordinary clay pots into vessels of honor, into men and women of great value, uniquely belonging to Him, members of His great family.

One of my favorite passages in the entire Bible is the story found in the 15th chapter of Luke. It is that familiar story of a son, head-strong and rebellious, who takes advantage of his father's love, leaves home, lives wildly, and comes to the end of his resources. He is broken and alone. In his desperation, he hatches a plan. "I'll go home and ask Dad if I can just work on the farm. I know I'm not his son any longer, that he could not possibly love me after all I've done to him." So he goes home. As he comes down the road toward home, he sees a familiar figure coming to him. It's his Dad! He braces for the blast of anger -- but instead finds himself embraced, wrapped in arms of love.

"And that," Jesus said, "is the true nature of our Father." He is a compassionate Father who remembers that we are just mud! Trust Him with your life today. Invite Him to Father you in very best way, welcoming you in His embrace.

Amen.

PRAYER